Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Creativity
Most people who know me know that I am someone who has both a creative and an analytical side. Frequently, I can be found reading articles on the international political system one moment and composing music in the next breath. Lately I have neglected my creative side. When I am sitting in a desk chair, staring at credit card records for eight hours a day, there is little room to explore, imagine, dream, and create. So I am challenging myself to actively be creative, but I'm going to need a jumpstart. I want to work on a composition based off of a picture or a phrase. Please leave a comment with your suggestions! I would love to hear them! In the mean time, I'll be finding my own sources of inspiration. Thanks!
Monday, January 9, 2012
My Identity
It has been a long time since I have posted anything here, but I am feeling inspired tonight due to a very special lady in my life. She spoke tonight for a group of writers/artists on an issue that has been on my heart and mind lately: identity. Now, I have not been able to articulate what has been going through my head until tonight; it wasn't until I heard that word that I knew why I have experienced every emotion known to mankind since I got engaged -- my finacee will attest that I have been a slight nut case since the day I heard that he would be asking my parents for their blessing and my hand.
Since the thought of marriage is, generally, at the forefront of my mind recently, my notions of who I am are being challenged. Up to this point, I have sought to be a good daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, student, and employee, not to mention a good follower of Christ. As I was listening to the speech tonight, I realized that a significant portion of my identity is based on my relationships. If you just look at my list, you will see this is true. Through talking to my finacee and married couples as well as listening to sermons and reading books on marriage, I am realizing just how much my relationships will change after this summer. I will be a daughter to a new family. I will no longer be a child in my parents' household. I will no longer be the oldest sibling living in the house. I will no longer be a student. I will be working full time. I will be a homemaker. Someday, God willing, I will be a mom. I will be a wife.
These changes are not ones that I am mourning. Yes, at times I do feel sad or scared because things will no longer be as they are now, but I am coming to see that as long as God is the center, the core of my relationships, the change will be for the best. I am convinced that God has started a good thing in me and He will continue shaping me. I used to think that once I became an adult, my life wouldn't change so much, but the opposite has come true. My childhood fantasies of what it meant to be an adult -- which primarily consisted of being able to stay up as late as I wanted and eat whatever I wanted -- have shattered. No longer do I think that I will ever stop changing, that the different roles contained within my identity will shift. I know now more than ever that I will continue transforming. I am trying to stop controlling who I think I should be; rather, I am trying trusting God to take the different facets of my life and continuously shape them. This process is not easy, and I do not think it will become any easier. It is in times like this that I am comforted in knowing that God never promised that life would be easy. He simply said that He would always be there with and for us. He won't leave us, even when we feel that our world is being flipped upside down and we have no part of our former self to latch onto.
I guess this was my long winded way of saying that while yes, I am absolutely thrilled to be engaged, I am also scared. I am going to have to get rid of some of the old shoes from my closet in order to fit the new ones that God has given me. As long as I keep that in mind though, partaking in that process is less difficult and I am able to look forward with not as much of a sense of fear, but of excitement.
Since the thought of marriage is, generally, at the forefront of my mind recently, my notions of who I am are being challenged. Up to this point, I have sought to be a good daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, student, and employee, not to mention a good follower of Christ. As I was listening to the speech tonight, I realized that a significant portion of my identity is based on my relationships. If you just look at my list, you will see this is true. Through talking to my finacee and married couples as well as listening to sermons and reading books on marriage, I am realizing just how much my relationships will change after this summer. I will be a daughter to a new family. I will no longer be a child in my parents' household. I will no longer be the oldest sibling living in the house. I will no longer be a student. I will be working full time. I will be a homemaker. Someday, God willing, I will be a mom. I will be a wife.
These changes are not ones that I am mourning. Yes, at times I do feel sad or scared because things will no longer be as they are now, but I am coming to see that as long as God is the center, the core of my relationships, the change will be for the best. I am convinced that God has started a good thing in me and He will continue shaping me. I used to think that once I became an adult, my life wouldn't change so much, but the opposite has come true. My childhood fantasies of what it meant to be an adult -- which primarily consisted of being able to stay up as late as I wanted and eat whatever I wanted -- have shattered. No longer do I think that I will ever stop changing, that the different roles contained within my identity will shift. I know now more than ever that I will continue transforming. I am trying to stop controlling who I think I should be; rather, I am trying trusting God to take the different facets of my life and continuously shape them. This process is not easy, and I do not think it will become any easier. It is in times like this that I am comforted in knowing that God never promised that life would be easy. He simply said that He would always be there with and for us. He won't leave us, even when we feel that our world is being flipped upside down and we have no part of our former self to latch onto.
I guess this was my long winded way of saying that while yes, I am absolutely thrilled to be engaged, I am also scared. I am going to have to get rid of some of the old shoes from my closet in order to fit the new ones that God has given me. As long as I keep that in mind though, partaking in that process is less difficult and I am able to look forward with not as much of a sense of fear, but of excitement.
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