Creativity

Most people who know me know that I am someone who has both a creative and an analytical side. Frequently, I can be found reading articles on the international political system one moment and composing music in the next breath. Lately I have neglected my creative side. When I am sitting in a desk chair, staring at credit card records for eight hours a day, there is little room to explore, imagine, dream, and create. So I am challenging myself to actively be creative, but I'm going to need a jumpstart. I want to work on a composition based off of a picture or a phrase. Please leave a comment with your suggestions! I would love to hear them! In the mean time, I'll be finding my own sources of inspiration. Thanks!

My Identity

It has been a long time since I have posted anything here, but I am feeling inspired tonight due to a very special lady in my life. She spoke tonight for a group of writers/artists on an issue that has been on my heart and mind lately: identity. Now, I have not been able to articulate what has been going through my head until tonight; it wasn't until I heard that word that I knew why I have experienced every emotion known to mankind since I got engaged -- my finacee will attest that I have been a slight nut case since the day I heard that he would be asking my parents for their blessing and my hand.

Since the thought of marriage is, generally, at the forefront of my mind recently, my notions of who I am are being challenged. Up to this point, I have sought to be a good daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend, student, and employee, not to mention a good follower of Christ. As I was listening to the speech tonight, I realized that a significant portion of my identity is based on my relationships. If you just look at my list, you will see this is true. Through talking to my finacee and married couples as well as listening to sermons and reading books on marriage, I am realizing just how much my relationships will change after this summer. I will be a daughter to a new family. I will no longer be a child in my parents' household. I will no longer be the oldest sibling living in the house. I will no longer be a student. I will be working full time. I will be a homemaker. Someday, God willing, I will be a mom. I will be a wife.

These changes are not ones that I am mourning. Yes, at times I do feel sad or scared because things will no longer be as they are now, but I am coming to see that as long as God is the center, the core of my relationships, the change will be for the best. I am convinced that God has started a good thing in me and He will continue shaping me. I used to think that once I became an adult, my life wouldn't change so much, but the opposite has come true. My childhood fantasies of what it meant to be an adult -- which primarily consisted of being able to stay up as late as I wanted and eat whatever I wanted -- have shattered. No longer do I think that I will ever stop changing, that the different roles contained within my identity will shift. I know now more than ever that I will continue transforming. I am trying to stop controlling who I think I should be; rather, I am trying trusting God to take the different facets of my life and continuously shape them. This process is not easy, and I do not think it will become any easier. It is in times like this that I am comforted in knowing that God never promised that life would be easy. He simply said that He would always be there with and for us. He won't leave us, even when we feel that our world is being flipped upside down and we have no part of our former self to latch onto.

I guess this was my long winded way of saying that while yes, I am absolutely thrilled to be engaged, I am also scared. I am going to have to get rid of some of the old shoes from my closet in order to fit the new ones that God has given me. As long as I keep that in mind though, partaking in that process is less difficult and I am able to look forward with not as much of a sense of fear, but of excitement.

The Music Box Dancer

She is tucked away safe and sound inside her little box. She is a dancer poised in a perfect pirouette. Her passion is her dancing, which she does all day. Arms and legs held gracefully she dedicates herself to her dance. Then one day, as she is practicing, two young children rush to her home and open the lid. They stare at her out of curiosity. Then they gently twist the key on the outside of the box in which she lives. Her music starts to play and she begins to spin. Performance is what they expect, she performs just to please. Always conscious of what she does, she does everything she can to deliver a flawless show for these children. After her dance is complete, they close the lid and walk away. The little doll is relieved that they are gone. No longer does she have to put herself out on display for the world to see, or so she thinks. The next day the children arrive again. They open the lid and twist the key. She is forced into dancing once again. This continues day after day. They come and demand a show. In return she performs her dance. Throughout the years this little doll becomes battered and bruised. She was dropped on the floor, causing her small porcelain dress to become chipped. Tea was spilled on her house, causing her box to be stained. Many other events like this occurred and she was becoming more and more broken, but she didn't notice until one day when she saw herself in the mirror. She no longer was the beautiful, graceful dancer that the children saw when they first opened her box. She was chipped in several places, her home was a wreck, and she had a small black smudge on her right cheek. Her life was no longer enjoyable. Her music was starting to fade and she was tired of performing the same dance every day. As time went on the children lost their fascination with her dance and the lid to her home was shut. She was then placed on a shelf, tucked away behind another object of fascination, and forgotten. She was grateful for the rest, but if she was honest she would tell you that part of her longed to dance for the children one last time. She had performed for so long that it had become a part of her. But the children had moved on, and she lived the rest of her life quietly, dancing only for herself.

Lessons That I Am Learning

This past year was one of immense growth for me. I still am learning things daily, and God is revealing portions of His heart to me. It hurts, but it’s needed. On my facebook I posted a general outline of what happened in my year, but I wanted to delve a little deeper, and I figured that this would be the place to do it. Only people who are truly interested in me would come to my blog, so that is why I’m putting this here. This past year I had quite a few new experiences and am still working on the lessons that come out of those experiences. I still don’t understand everything, but I am desperately trying to learn what God is teaching me. I also struggle with applying concepts to my life, so that’s another thing that I am working on. So here is what I am working on currently.

Self-esteem. On more than one occasion my self-esteem fell to the ground and shattered into a million pieces. I don’t think a day goes by when I don’t quote Ephesians 2:10 to myself. I’m trying to place my self worth in the fact that God loves me and cares for me. I am valuable, and I am His creation. That is my value. I am a beloved daughter of the king, and there is nothing that I can do that will take that away. It’s hard because I am such an independent perfectionist. I want everything to be perfect and beautiful, and I can do it by myself. Well, that’s what I like to tell myself, and that’s what I am trying to break. It’s not through my strength, but His.

Vulnerability. Wow, talk about something that I just don’t do. I have layers upon layers of walls around my heart, and I rarely let anyone break past those barriers. This is especially hard when it comes to females. I’ve been so burned by females that I just don’t want to let them see me. However, I am learning the beauty in being real with people. I don’t have to pretend I’m perfect or strong… because I’m not, and that’s okay. That’s what God and my community is for. They are there to help and guide me. This is something that I struggle with probably more than anything else, but I am seeing how God is working on that in my life.

The importance of crying. Yes, I did just say that. Crying is good and necessary. For anyone who knows me well, they know that I have this issue with displaying any emotion that would be perceived as weakness. Crying falls under this category. I think that this past year is the only time I can say I had a truly broken heart (And yes, it came from a guy) and I remember talking to my friend Sarah about the situation. I remember that she just looked at me and told me to cry. I was like, uh, no? I don’t do crying. And she told me to cry… and eventually I broke down. God is definitely working on softening my heart in this area. I still don’t like to cry with anyone around, but it’s healthy. God made me with emotions, and it’s okay to display those emotions at the proper times.

Having fun. Okay, so I take myself way too seriously. I grew up way before I should have, and didn’t listen to my dad when he told me to enjoy being a kid. I think part of the reason why I always had an aversion to having fun was because of my responsibilities. I have been a leader in so many areas that I didn’t know how to balance that with relaxing. Ever since I started college God has been showing me to just enjoy life. I’m the little one, and don’t have nearly the amount of responsibilities that I did before. It’s okay to love the little things and appreciate every little blessing that comes my way.

Healthy relationships. I don’t know how many unhealthy relationships I had to deal with this past year. I have this issue with caring about other people too much and not drawing lines. My heart was taken advantage of by many people, and I let it happen because “I was a leader and that’s what leaders do.” What I didn’t realize is that I was exerting all my strength into trying to fix everyone else’s lives while not caring for my own. I don’t mean to sound selfish here, but God created us to be in healthy community. That type of community depends on people giving and taking, not just taking. However, God is also showing me that when it is imperative for me to give more than receive He is always there to be my constant source of strength and life. He keeps me going.

Praying for wisdom. This is one thing that I know is a no brainer, but it is something that I am recognizing the importance of each and every day. This year a lot of people came to me with a lot of heavy issues, and I didn’t have any advice to offer. During these times I prayed to God for wisdom, but I am trying to apply this principle to all of my actions. A lot of the time God tells me that what I have planned and what He has planned are not the same things, and I am trying to trust Him in that.

So yeah, that’s where I’m at. I know there is more stuff that I have started the learning process for, but I can’t think of it right now. It’s been a tough year emotionally but I think that in a lot of aspects God is teaching me how to be healthier spiritually and emotionally. Even though it’s painful, it’s good. Thanks for allowing me to share with ya’ll. If you have any advice/wisdom I would really appreciate it. Love you guys!

Princesses

Princess

This is a fascinating little word that sparks the imaginations of females of all ages. From ball gowns, to glass slippers, to poisoned apples, to spinning needles, and of course to the handsome prince we all have ideas about being princesses. However, there are many interpretations of the word and not all of them are positive. Along with all of the fantasy you have a state of helplessness; she always depends on a prince to save her. This word is complex and I never tire from analyzing it. I find it quite interesting and cannot get away from it. This concept has infiltrated media in every form, but why is it so intriguing? I wish I had a straightforward answer to that question, but alas, I do not. However, here are my random observations and thoughts on the topic and reasons why I believe females are captivated by this word.

1) Princesses are beautiful. Princesses are what I would call the epitome of beauty. In both literature and movies the princesses are always some of the most gorgeous girls you can find. They might not always be the best looking, but they are always the most beautiful. They possess patience, love, as well as hair that is never anything less than perfect. Their beauty extends far below the surface and is apparent to all those who come into contact with them. This is the desire of every female that I know of. While they may not all be searching for the same form of beauty, they all desire to be called beautiful. It is an inherent longing and I believe it is one of the biggest reasons why they are fascinated with the concept of princesses.

2) Princesses are always part of an adventure. Okay, so in every princess story something happens to our lovely protagonists. This adventure comes in all sizes, shapes, and forms. Their lives are shaken and they set out on a perilous journey. I know that adventure is something I long for, and I know that many other females long for adventure too. Yeah, some of us may say that we don’t want our lives shaken, but honestly, we do. A flat and boring life has no appeal and we are always looking for something new, fresh, and exciting. I just pray that my adventure does not come in the form of a poisoned apple…

3) Princesses always get the man of their dreams. Generally our leading ladies need to be rescued from their adventures and who does this? Prince Charming. Now if I may go on a side tangent here, I am going to be honest and say I feel sorry for the “Prince Charmings” in these stories. Prince Charming generally is a flat character who is handsome and would do anything for his princess. Besides having a great smile, that’s about it for Prince Charming; he simply is just charming. Poor guy… Anyway, I think that each little girl (and yes, I am a little girl at heart) just wants her own happy ever after with her prince. Someone who is extremely loving and is perfectly compatible with his princess. I once had a guy friend remark to me that “When I find the right girl, she will be my princess and I will want to treat her as such.” At first glance I thought that was a cheesy statement, but I could see the sincerity in his heart and realized that is probably one of the sweetest statements I have ever heard. We want to be cherished and appreciated which is the end result for every princess.

I am sure there are more reasons, but I am not thinking of them right now. These are the main ones that I have and I would love to hear any thoughts and comments you may have. I do know many real life princesses and am very blessed to have them in my life. But before I end this note I have to remark that Cinderella is the best princess. Know you may be sitting there asking yourself why I would say this, and my answer is simple, she had amazing shoes. That’s all… Now I must be off to cook and clean while singing… I think that is a requirement for the princess lifestyle I am trying to implement in my life. (And yes, Snow White would sing My Chemical Romance if she lived in this time period.)

Love

This was a speech I competed with in my senior year of high school.

In his article “The Hunger of Humanity” Aaron Pluim said,

Love. We all crave it. We were made for it, and if we don’t receive it, some essential part of our hearts undoubtedly fades away. To love and be loved are not just innate desires, they are life or death needs.

In North American society and culture where looking "Calm, cool and collected" is considered an asset, the need for love is often believed to be a weakness instead of appreciated as a quality of one’s humanity―made in the image of the God who loves. And so, ... one can put on a mask that asserts to others they, "Have it all together" in an attempt to hide their cavernous inner hunger to be treasured, understood, held, heard ... loved. Whether one is successful at hiding their eternal heartache for love, the fact remains: We all desperately crave love, to give it and to receive it. (Pluim, pars. 10-11)

When we stop and think about relationships as presented in that quote we can see that there is something wrong with our current system. That is why today I will be talking about the importance of love and relationships in our everyday lives. As we consider this we will be asking ourselves three very important questions: "Why is love so important?", "Why are afraid to love?", and "How can we conquer our fear of love, so that we may not only give but also receive love?"

Let's start with the first question, why is love so important to our lives? The best way I can think of to answer this question is through a story I once heard. At my church there is a man who runs a ministry to homeless kids in Boulder. One day this man came across a young lady, and he did what he normally does with any teenager, he gave her a hug and started talking to her about her life. He chose to witness to her through his love. A few weeks went by and he saw the young lady again, but this time she had friends with her. When he went over to give her a hug, she introduced him as her "spiritual mentor", but the strange thing is that he hadn't been trying to preach to her, he had just been showing her love and compassion. But through this act he was able to change her outlook on life. That is why love and relationships are so important. Mother Teresa exemplified this when she said, ""Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat."" Within each and every person is a hunger to show love to others, and to feel loved in return. Relationships are extremely important to us, and when we don't have those connections we begin a downward spiral into loneliness. Loneliness is a terrible poverty, and is rampant in America. The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that approximately 9.5% of adults living in America suffer from depression, and I believe that is because we are failing to make meaningful relationships. We are adding to that poverty, by not reaching out and connecting with other people. Relationships are the most important aspect of our lives, and when we fail to make them we become broken people.

Now if we recognize that love is the most important aspect of our lives, we are presented with a very difficult question, why are we afraid to love? I believe that as humans we recognize the value of love in our lives, so why don't we make these connections? It is because we have twisted the meaning of true love. In his article "The Danger of Love" Ben Swain answered this question saying,

It’s the same thing that has wounded God's heart: The sinfulness of man. Each of us has sought to give our love to someone only to have it unreturned, taken advantage of, or betrayed.

Often we are betrayed by ourselves, allowing what we thought was our expression and reception of love to be twisted into a sweet looking poison that destroys our own soul. So we respond by keeping our love to ourselves and building walls to keep people at a "safe" distance.

... We isolate ourselves from having to give any of our own heart away and protect ourselves from ever being in a position where someone can hurt us. We respond by doing what we were not created for: Existing outside of love." (Swain, pars. 3-6)

Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, to be weak, is the hardest thing for us to do and that is what true love is. However, our current view of love is a grotesque form that goes completely against true love. The ultimate source of love is God. He defined what it is in 1 Corinthians 13 saying, “"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."” (New International Version, 1 Cor. 13.4-13.7) Does this passage match up with what our culture says love is? No it does not, in any way, shape, or form. We are told by the media that love makes you fulfilled, completes you. This focus of love is completely on yourself, but we can see that pure love is not self centered, its focus is on the other person's well being. Our hearts have been broken by what we call love, and that is why we are skeptical of relationships.

This leads us to the last question presented, "How can we conquer our fear of love, so that we may not only give but receive love?" The answer is simple to hear, but hard in practice. The first step is to acknowledge that our current portrayal of love is completely wrong. Once we do that, we need to turn to the ultimate source of love, and that is God. We need to see ourselves as Christ sees us, and that is abounding love and grace. We are all fallen people, so it is especially important to realize that we are going to stumble every now and then when it comes to rules. We also need to realize that others are going to fall into the same trap, and that is when we need to extend love and grace. When we mess up we need to learn from our mistakes and turn to God's grace. After we turn to the amazing love that God offers us we can start tearing down our masks of pride, hatred, anger, and depression. I am not saying that any of these things will not come back to haunt us, but in order for us to reach out, we must start removing them through God's help. Through His strength we can conquer anything. What we have shaped ourselves into is a distorted view of how we were created to be. Without the demolition of these walls our attempts at love will be futile. Only after we do this can we start giving and receiving love while building up our community. Relationships will hurt, community will fail you, that is inevitable. But when we realize that there is more to our lives than hiding we can start opening up to the world around us. When we feel weak we can always draw upon the love that Christ presents to us, and only then we can start making vital connections.

Today we examined three of the toughest questions presented to our culture and through all of this we have seen why love is so important. We have also seen how our fears keep us from reaching out. Finally we examined how we can reach out to others around us. We must stop our hiding behind walls and get our hands dirty. Relationships are hard, time consuming, and painful, but that shouldn't stop us. In one of the closing chapters to Blue Like Jazz, Donald Miller presented an idea that dislodged my way of thinking. He said,

We value people, ... We invest in people, ... Relationships can be bankrupt, ... People are priceless, ... All economic metaphor.

... The problem ... is we think of love as a commodity. We use it like money. ... If somebody is doing something for us, offering us something, be it gifts, time, popularity, or what have you, we feel they have value, we feel they are worth something to us, and, perhaps, we feel they are priceless... With love, we withheld affirmation from the people who did not agree with us, but we lavishly financed the ones who did. (218)

This economic metaphor must go. We need to stop withholding our love from others and start to make relationships. How much longer will we continue to destroy other lives simply because we don't want to give out love to those who don't agree with us? As humans we depend on others being there for us, helping us, guiding us, and caring for us. If we start to build up a community in which we can actively participate we will have those people there for us and we will be letting others know that they are cared for and loved. We will be filling that essential part of in all of our hearts that thrives on relationships giving us longer more fulfilling lives. That is why today I encourage you stop hiding within yourself, and start to make the most important connections that you can ever have, those made in love. Don't expect to be perfect, and don't expect that you won't mess up. You will, but that is okay, live in a life of grace. Remember 1 Corinthians 13? In the last verse we are told, “"now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”” (1 Cor. 13:13)

Redheads

This is my first non-serious post. This is a speech that I competed with in my senior year of high school.

"Anne Shirley, What have you done to your hair?"”
“"I thought nothing could be as bad as red hair, green is ten times worse."”

This scene was taken from the movie based off of Lucy Maud Montgomery's classic novel, Anne of Green Gables. In this story a young girl named Anne must endure many trials as she grows up, the main one being her red hair. So in one scene she buys hair dye hoping to change her cursed appearance, but in the end it only causes her more trouble. Her sentiments are shared by many young redheaded children. When we are little our hair is a source of unnecessary attention, so we wish it away. But generally we grow to love our red locks and somehow learn to take pride in them. Join me today as we observe the lives of that particular group of people, the redheads. As we do this we will examine the science behind red hair, significant redheads in history, and finally the stereotypes placed upon them.

It is obvious there is a small group of people in this world that posses red hair, but what causes this obscure pigmentation? This question leads me to the first point in my speech, an observation of genetics and the color red. Within our bodies we have DNA strands that dictate how we look, and these strands are based on our genes. In redheads there is a change on a specific gene, called the melanocortin 1 receptor, and this causes red hair. Jonathan Rees who is a Professor of Dermatology at the University of Edinburgh explained this change saying,

Six or seven years ago we identified the gene for red hair in humans. It is called the melanocortin 1 receptor. ... Everybody has two copies of the gene, one from the mother and one from the father, but there are differences.. which mean that some people have different copies from others. Surprisingly, this gene is very polymorphic (variable) with over 30 differences so far recognised ...

People who possess one 'different copy' of this gene do not usually have red hair but, if you inherit different copies from both mother and father, then you are very likely to have red hair.

All of this may sound confusing, because well, it is. The human body is a complex system of codes that produce very different results from person to person. But the main thing to remember is that everyone has two genes in them that are capable of producing red hair. Generally copper hair only comes with a mutation on both of these genes, although it is possible to have red hair with only one mutation.

So now that we know the basic principles behind red hair we are going to turn our focus from science to history. Now if I asked you to sit down and write a list of redheads throughout history you may come up with such names as Raggedy Ann, Anne of Green Gables or Ronald McDonald. But your list probably wouldn't be much longer than that. This is most likely because redheads comprise only a small percent of the population. National Geographic shows us just how rare redheads are when they say, “"... less than two per cent of the world's population has natural red hair, ..."”. But size doesn't matter, right? It is the actions and contributions from the men and women that we must consider, and Cort Cass did exactly that when he presented the following names in his book, "The Redhead Handbook." When we look into history we find that there are many redheads that have made significant contributions to our world. For example did you know that Christopher Columbus is said to have had red hair? That's right, the famous explorer who lead the way for colonization in the Americas is described as being a redhead. Looking to the arts and sciences as we add Galileo Galilei who is known for his contributions to astronomy, Antonio Vivaldi for his work in music composition, and Vincent Van Gogh for his paintings. Turning to politics, we can examine the list of American presidents and see that 7 out of 43 presidents are reported as having red hair. The list of these men is: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Martin Van Buren, Andrew Jackson, Ulysses S. Grant, Calvin Coolidge, and Dwight Eisenhower. That means that 16% of our presidents have had red hair. Compare that to the 2% of people worldwide. In the political realm we can also add Queen Elizabeth I and Henry VIII. These two people are some of the most influential royal names that are said to have had copper locks. Finally what list of redheads would be complete without mentioning America's favorite ginger, Lucille Ball. But did you know that this famous comedian did not have natural red hair? It's true. This star used a dye named henna to change her appearance from a brunette to a redhead. However, this amazing lady captured the heart and spirit that many redheads posses, and she opened the way for those with red hair in the entertainment industry. As you can see our world has been greatly influenced by the work of redheads and the accomplishments from these men and women will forever be written in history.

However, even though redheads have greatly added to our world, they are still certain perceptions about them. In our society there are stereotypes about people with every hair color, but with redheads there are some that are especially well-known. We are going to go through and look at some of these stereotypes in this last examination of Cort Cass' “"Three Biggest Myths About Redheads"”.

Stereotype #1: “"We are all related"”. I can speak from personal experience, if people see two redheads walking down the street together, they usually assume that these redheads are related to each other in some way. I have several redheaded friends and there have been countless times that we have been asked if we are siblings or cousins. There are many types of redheads, for instance you can have one with dark auburn hair, a beautiful tan, and brown eyes and then another one with strawberry blond hair, skin of alabaster, and blue eyes, but people will still think that they are related. No matter how different you look the red hair is enough for people to assume a connection, and while in some instances you will see a family of redheads this is not always the case.

Stereotype #2: “"We are all Irish"”. If I had a penny for every time an absolute stranger has come up and asked me if I am Irish, I would be a very rich girl. While I am part Irish, I am also English, Scottish, German, Dutch, and French. For many redheads this is the case, we have mixed genealogies. But why do people assume we are Irish? I don't know... Consider this though, in his book The Redhead Handbook the author Cort Cass presents the following statistic: “"Scotland boasts the highest number of redheads per capita, with thirteen percent of the population ... Ireland follows second with a ten percent. The United States falls in at a paltry four percent."”. So why don't people walk up and ask us if we are Scottish? I don't think I will ever find the answer to this question, but the fact remains that we are not all Irish. In fact some redheads don't have any Irish blood within them.

And last, but not least Stereotype #3: “"We are all crazy, excitable, hot-tempered..."” This is probably the biggest stereotype when it comes to redheads, and in my case it generally is true. When I was younger my family members and friends would tease me and then see how long it would take me to react, claiming that I was hot-tempered. In most cases it wouldn't take long for my temper to flare, proving this stereotype right. However even though I am generally an excitable person, I have many redheaded aunts and cousins who are very patient. Whenever someone would make the same type of remark to these family members, they would generally remain very calm. Many people believe that redheads are not born with a hot temper, but because of the constant teasing and attention that they receive, these people are shaped into an excitable person. Whatever the case is, there are redheads with tempers, but there are also calm and patient redheads, just like those with other hair colors.

In conclusion, we learned the science behind red hair. We then went on to discover some of the most significant redheads in history, and finally we examined the stereotypes placed upon these people. Redheads are a peculiar group of people, and comprise only a small percent of the population. But they have made their mark upon history and I believe they will continue to do so. I am certainly not saying that those with copper hair are more important than those with other hair colors, but you can see how even a small group of people can shape the future. I hope that you have enjoyed this brief look into the lives of redheads, and I would like to leave you with one last quote from Cort Cass, and he says, “"There could be any number of possible explanations for redheaded achievement. For whatever reason, we can be sure that redheads will continue the trend of success for many centuries to come. So what if we can't tan? I'll take my red hair over the ability to produce adequate amounts of melanin any day. Just pass me my SPF 50 sunscreen."”